Smoking Aces - Starring Jeremy Piven (Action Movie Rental Review)

Smoking Aces - Starring Jeremy Piven

It’s poker time! Oh, wait a second. If you already picked up this feature you quickly became just as stumped as I. Smoking aces means pocket aces right? Or it should at least have some hint of poker action. However, this was furthest from it. The action begins with the feds learning that the character played by Jeremy Piven, Buddy Israel, is being targeted by multiple assassins. The reward for the hit is in the millions. What makes his death so desirable is the fact that he’s about to sing. The dumbass will actually testify against the west coast mafia, otherwise known as La Cosa Nostra.

The only card tricks going on is Israel’s magic show performance in Vegas. After all the shows, the fame and putting in his dues for the mafia, Israel finds himself holed up in the penthouse suite of a Lake Tahoe resort. The entire top floor is held falsely “under construction” just because Israel can shell out 50 grand a night. That’s how much influence this guy has.
The storyline jumps from one assassin or group of assassin’s perspective to another throughout Smokin Aces. The threads slowly converge at Buddy Israel’s hideout. A few players get knocked out by others as well. It’s a stiff competition. The .50 caliber sniper rifle scene is worth the whole film. Nothing beats seeing federal agents fly in the air from armor piercing rounds. I would venture enough to say this is better than the fifty cal scene in the movie Shooter with Mark Wahlberg.

As the curtains draw to a close, with the neonazis and mercenaries taken out, one man survives. He is the lone killer, the one who has the narrow shot at taking out Buddy. Is he evasive and stealthy enough to kill Israel silently as swat teams infiltrate the overpriced suite? Can he get away with murder? All the cards get played and Buddy Israel is down to his last ace.

My Cousin Vinny - Starring Joe Pesci (Drama Movie Rental Review)

My Cousin Vinny - Starring Joe Pesci

Approx. Running Time: 1 hr. 59 min.

Joe Pesci and Marisa Tomei make their Brooklyn spirit shine even in the most rough and rural areas of southern America. I couldn’t resist making a movie rental review about such a notorious gangster like Joe Pesci in such a non-typical role. All of his other classics like Casino and Goodfellas don’t seem to brush on Pesci’s more sensitive side. In My Cousin Vinny we see a man from the streets use his big heart to win over a judge. This is a judge who will be deciding the fate of two young boys involved in an accidental conviction just because they were at the scene. What’s remarkable is you know from the start of the film these two sweet lads couldn’t have possibly committed such a heinous crime.

Joe Pesci creates an almost humorous contrast to the strict, formal nature of a court room. It’s as if he doesn’t care that he’s not an official lawyer. And he gets lucky enough not to get exposed as a phony either. What I found somewhat difficult in writing this movie rental review is classifying this classic tale as comedy or drama. You want to laugh at Pesci’s absurdity but is that really funny to you? Like is he here to fucking amusing you? Joe lives up to his name, all the way through. I love it.

In all fairness, I think I should explain to you how this movie rental may end. The biggest problem the two boys face is the amount of evidence pointing to them. It’s as if they were caught in the crossfire, stuck in the middle. There is no way out and they even consider hiring a regular defense lawyer. But life’s lessons prove that it’s not what you know but who you know. And them having a connection to Pesci is a godsend. Fortunately for them, his girlfriend also happens to be a mechanic. She knows everything about cars. What make of car was at the crime scene will ultimately decide who’s guilty. Can the mechanic girlfriend use her rapier wit to save the boys from the chair?

Borat – Starring Sacha Baron Cohen (Comedy Movie Rental Review)

Borat – Starring Sacha Baron Cohen

Approx. Running Time:1 hr. 24 min.

The strongest point of this comedy is the classic slapstick public annoyance you would find in a show like Jackass or The Tom Green Show. That’s the category of movie rental review I would fit it in. The absolute best part of the film is when Borat and Azamat, two losers from Kazakhstan in search of Pamela Anderson, find themselves wrestling naked. They then chase each other out of a hotel room, down the elevator and through a real estate meeting of distinguished guests. They are quickly ushered out by security. What’s great is it feels so real and unscripted, like reality television. Sensationalism is a key to this movie, especially when Borat sings his home country’s national anthem at a rodeo.

One thing I observed is the similarity to a flick like Napoleon Dynamite. That reminds me, I should do a movie rental review at a later time of this puppy. The movie is so blatantly stupid to the point of insulting intelligence yet still rib-cracker funny enough to share with your water cooler buddies.

This is a movie that caters to people. The humor element is mainly the absurdity of a foreigner who knows nothing about America acting as if anything in Kazakhstan is also possible with the westerners. The end result is crazy shenanigans and sheer pandemonium. This usually winds up with a phone call to the police, a wrecked vehicle, or massive property damage. I honestly don’t know how they convinced Pamela Anderson to actually appear in this film, but it’s damn funny. You’ll be saying: “No way, I can’t believe this! Borat’s such a jag off” as milk fountains out of your nostrils. This one truly deserves a movie rental review.

xXx - Starring Vin Diesel (Action Movie Rental Review)

xXx -Starring Vin Diesel

Approx. Running Time 124 minutes

This film has a way of sticking to me for some reason I can’t explain. I think it has many elements our generation, the generation X, can all relate to. (A prime example on a side note would be the currently imposed royalty fee hikes for internet radio stations. These outrageous set of laws passed by the blind American congress have devastated free expression.) Free expression is usually targeted by senators. That is where Xander Cage, who is played by Vin Diesel, saves the day. Xander winds up totaling a well known senator’s corvette. The senator is hated by many for his banning of video games.

Xander Cage is the king of extreme sports. He manages to survive enemy assaults on anything that requires skill. A motorbike, snowboard, improvised skateboard and even a beefed up impala SS which can fire rockets are his tools of the trade. Nothing will stand in the way of his quest to save the world from biological annihilation by a group who calls themselves Anarchy 99. Xander must combine his gritty American criminal upbringing with the savvy intellect of a super spy. He becomes the ultimate hybrid, capable of infiltrating a rich underground society hell-bent on global destruction. The Anarchy 99 group even goes so far as hiring an elite group of scientists to construct a virus known as “Silent Night”. At the heart of all this anarchy is a girl, a beautiful girl who wants a new life in America. A girl Xander is willing to risk his entire operation to save. Save the world or save the girl? Xander’s love manages to get him close enough to the preprogrammed submarine which is about to launch global chaos in canisters. Can Xander get in the zone in time to save the planet?

Rave Reviews

Here's a comprehensive list of films I've personally viewed and reviewed. I'd consider them my favorites of all time. The all stars. Note that I only list the main protagonist of each film. The reviews are my own personal opinion and in no way reflect the intended nature of the film. Any relation of fictional characters to real persons is entirely coincidental. Tell your friends about this blog, this list will keep on growing!


xXx -Starring Vin Diesel

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My Cousin Vinny - Starring Joe Pesci

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Borat - Starring Sascha Baron Cohen

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Smoking Aces - Starring Jeremy Piven

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The Devil's Rejects - Starring Rob Zombie

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Casino - Starring Robert DeNiro

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Swordfish - Starring John Travolta

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For The Record

I love writing rave movie rental reviews. But let me remind you all that I don't really give a damn about new releases. Hollywood is now notorious for tossing around absurd insults to our intelligence. You won't see any five stars or "out of 10"s in this blog. I don't pull any punches. I tell it how it is, even if I gotta get gritty. In this blog I will attempt to review only the creams of the crop. So sit back, grab a bowl of popcorn and listen to what I have to say. You may find yourself picking up a copy at the video store. Enjoy!